Ridikzappa 8:17 Fri Oct 14
The Swedish joy = IKEA
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Off to an IKEA today with the misses for the first time.
Any advice other than 'don't bother going'?
Are the meatballs good?
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Replies - In Chronological Order ( Show Newest Messages First)
lowermarshhammer
8:31 Fri Oct 14
Re: The Swedish joy = IKEA
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By all means go, but do yourself a favour, stay in the car.
An utter cunt if an experience is an IKEA trip.
Food is cheap and cheerful, that's about all I can say for that.
Walk round for fucking ages looking at shit that you don't want or need.
Feel empathic sorrow for all the other blokes being dragged round by their wives.
Feel like punching the lights out of the fools who actually seem to be enjoying Swedish consumer hell.
Go to the warehouse section at the end and discover that the one item you actually wanted is not in stock.
Find out that the stuff you bought doesn't fit in your car.
FUCK OFF IKEA
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Vexed
8:33 Fri Oct 14
Re: The Swedish joy = IKEA
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My advice is kill yourself, it's got to be better than being you. Dullard.
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Bungo
8:43 Fri Oct 14
Re: The Swedish joy = IKEA
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If you must go and you intend to buy stuff, my advice is:-
Get there early.
Treat it like a commando raid, I.e. know what you are going there for, where it is in the warehouse bit, don't dawdle wasting time looking at junk you didn't go there for, grab the stuff you intend to buy and get to the checkouts before the slow browser types clog them up.
Buy stuff, put it in your car, then go to the restaurant last.
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monto
9:54 Fri Oct 14
Re: The Swedish joy = IKEA
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Had the misfortune of having to pay a visit to the Warrington branch, about a month back.
Expect the worst. Just switch off enough to know that every step you make means you're closer to the exit. Just say "yes" randomly, because if your missus is anything like mine, she won't shut up, but will think you're paying an enough of an interest.
Have a word with yourself if you really think a pile meatballs sloshing around on a plate of flood water is an attractive proposition. It'll only prolong the agony.
If you're that hungry focus on th 60p hotdog at the of your trip, it'll be all you can afford once you've stumped up at the checkout.
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Infidel
10:06 Fri Oct 14
Re: The Swedish joy = IKEA
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Avoid buying any piece of furniture that you have to assemble yourself.
Hope that helps.
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Chip Shop Charlie
10:08 Fri Oct 14
Re: The Swedish joy = IKEA
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Shortcuts are your friends
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Dr Congo
10:09 Fri Oct 14
Re: The Swedish joy = IKEA
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"Just switch off enough to know that every step you make means you're closer to the exit. "
Unfortunately not true, the routes around the stores are designed to make you walk past everything. Half the time you are desperate for the exit but walking 180 degrees away from it.
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REALGSA
10:13 Fri Oct 14
Re: The Swedish joy = IKEA
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Once you get it, its so hard to get out. Try and find the exit.
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Fivetide
12:05 Fri Oct 14
Re: The Swedish joy = IKEA
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You can shop online these days. HTH.
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Andy-Hammer
1:42 Fri Oct 14
Re: The Swedish joy = IKEA
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My Mrs is one of the longest serving workers at Thurrocks Ikea, think it's 14/15 years now, she's met Mr Ikea, very old bloke who wears a smart suit and wears old slippers like your Granddads all wore/wear and talks to all the workers and is very down to earth. It's mainly the 2 sons who visits the stores nowadays as the old mans getting on a bit.
Every Christmas each worker receives the same present from Mr Ikea which in the past have included a fold up bicycle. kindle and very recently a food blender. For the Christmas party a Marquee gets put at the back of the store where all food & drink is free for one night where the workers get right shit faced.
Pointless info i know, personally i've been to Ikea twice and found out what ever you buy falls to bits within a year or two at the most.
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Russ of the BML
2:57 Fri Oct 14
Re: The Swedish joy = IKEA
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I have been to IKEA twice with the missus. On both occasions we ended up at the queues to pay with a bag of rubbish (candles, picture frames, lamp-shades) that was not worth waiting for so we ditched it.
On the second time I got in the car and questioned my life.
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mashed in maryland
3:14 Fri Oct 14
Re: The Swedish joy = IKEA
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This isn't a personal dig to you Ridz but I'm baffled how a bloke can live to adulthood and not have been to an Ikea before?
Unless you're from Mauritania or a tribe in the Amazon or something.
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,
3:20 Fri Oct 14
Re: The Swedish joy = IKEA
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Rid, is it your first time in Ikea with your missus or your first time ever.?
Fwiw my experience is that being there with a woman takes five times longer than being there unaccompanied.
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Fifth Column
4:26 Fri Oct 14
Re: The Swedish joy = IKEA
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Going alone to an Ikea to buy something is fine. Going with my wife... nooooooooooooooooooo... I literally refuse to go shopping with my Mrs. Its improved our relationship no end.
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Hasans Fish Bar RIP
4:30 Fri Oct 14
Re: The Swedish joy = IKEA
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I'm fairly certain IKEA exists solely to sell candles
Practically every time I'm there we end up with 100s of tea light candles. Because you can never have enough can you.
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Ridikzappa
5:59 Fri Oct 14
Re: The Swedish joy = IKEA
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Comma
Yeah, first time ever. Took ages to go round, bought loads of tealights and generally found it ok.
This was the new one in Reading, so it was full of fat munchkins with 6 kids each.
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,
6:00 Fri Oct 14
Re: The Swedish joy = IKEA
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I'm almost sure there are customers in Ikea who have not left the place for years.
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defjam
6:02 Fri Oct 14
Re: The Swedish joy = IKEA
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IKEA = Nazi sympathizers!
Mind you on WHO they'll probably get more customers.
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Mart O
6:08 Fri Oct 14
Re: The Swedish joy = IKEA
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As others have said, kill yourself instead.
At the very least, don't buy anything you have to assemble. The shop is my idea of hell on earth. Assembling their shit products afterwards is almost as bad.
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Dan M
6:19 Fri Oct 14
Re: The Swedish joy = IKEA
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Good place to stock up on batteries. AAs AAAs and the "hearing aid" ones are cheap as chips. Found in the lighting section. Good for cheap handyman stuff - electric screwdrivers, fixings sets, that sort of thing.
I still refer to the most local one as Eye-kee-ah Edmonton rather than the revised Ick-Ee-Yah Tottenham.
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